Time for a tune-up
When you find yourself in a long-term relationship, there are bound to be times when you and your partner just aren’t perfectly synced up when it comes to your sexual experiences.
There will inevitably be times when either you, your partner, or both will feel like you’re not getting what you need from your sex life.
The natural reaction to this situation might be to feel insecure or worried about how you’ve contributed to the problem, and while it’s a wonderful instinct to be a bit more selfless in bed, the problem might have nothing to do with you at all.
We’re all human, and that means we change over time. We evolve, and that includes our sexual preferences and our chosen kinks.
In this article, we’ll take a quick look at a few signs she is sexually frustrated. In most cases, these signs will be fairly obvious, especially if you have open channels of communication with your partner.
Depending on your situation, sexual frustration could represent a small misunderstanding that can be easily resolved or it could be a symptom of a much larger problem.
If you find that your partner has been feeling sexually frustrated, take it with a grain of salt and don’t overreact. If all else fails, you can ask your partner about it directly and get to the bottom of the situation.
To start out, let’s look at few signs that your partner might not be getting what they want from your sexual routine.
Keep in mind that these symptoms are highly subjective and it’s always better to ask outright rather than to make sweeping assumptions about how your partner is feeling.
Still, there are many fairly obvious signs that your partner isn’t enjoying sex as much as they could be.
Lack of sex drive
Lack of sex drive can be a very common reaction to sexual frustration in general. If your partner isn’t getting very much from their sexual experiences, then it only makes sense that they wouldn’t be as motivated to have sex as they have been in the past.
Ask yourself how often you used to have sex a year ago, two years ago, or at the start of your relationship.
Please remember that it’s natural for most couples to have sex less often as their relationship progresses, especially within the context of marriage and having children.
This doesn’t always mean that your sex has been unenjoyable, just that you’ve gotten used to each other and that your experiences aren’t as novel as they once were.
This isn’t a significant problem for every couple, just a natural progression.
However, if you find that your partner’s sex drive has dropped off steeply in recent weeks, then it may be a sign that your sexual routine has become a bit stale or that your partner is looking to introduce new activities in the bedroom.
Inability to orgasm or difficulty reaching orgasm
In most romantic relationships, it’s quite easy for each partner to know whether the other has reached orgasm. Sometimes it’s obvious and sometimes you just get to know your partner so well that you know exactly what to look for.
Faking orgasms is becoming much less common, and it’s even more difficult to achieve in a long-term relationship.
Ask yourself whether your partner has been able to reach orgasm during recent sexual experiences.
If you’ve noticed that your partner has been having more trouble than usual reaching orgasm, then you may want to ask them directly about what’s been getting in the way.
Maybe they’ve been experiencing a physical ailment or injury that distracts them from enjoying sex and sexual stimulation.
It could be that they’re distracted by other important events in their life, a type of anxiety that can cause problems for anyone’s sex life.
Or does it have more to do with how you’re actually playing. Have your positions and routines become dull and repetitive over time? Maybe your partner is just looking for more adventurous play.
Attempts to introduce new toys/positions/kinks
One of the most obvious signs that your partner has been sexually frustrated lately is repeated attempts to introduce new positions, sex toys, or kinks into your sexual experiences.
This can also happen naturally, even when your partner is happy with your experiences, simply as an attempt to continue exploring and trying new and exciting things in the bedroom.
But if you’ve noticed that your partner hasn’t been enjoying sex very much lately and they also mention in passing that they’d like to try a few different things, chances are your partner has been a bit frustrated recently and wants to have you involved in the solution.
When this situation arises, try to be as open-minded as you possibly can. Even if there are ideas and suggestions that you find to be uncomfortable, you can still be respectful of these suggestions and discuss these changes calmly.
When it comes to using sex toys with your partner, there are so many great options out there today, many of which we offer on our site.
Vibrators, dildos, penis sleeves, strokers, and bondage gear can all add some spice and fantastic sensations to your normal routine.
Using toys with your partner DOES NOT mean that you’re sexually inadequate or in need of extra help. Many happy couples use toys with each other all the time or even use them as a way to engage in mutual masturbation with each other.
The best part of exploring kinks with your partner is just how much fun you can have together. You’ll probably find at least one toy or kink that you love and hadn’t really considered trying before.
It can also be immensely satisfying to watch your partner discover their own favorites, reaching a new level of sexual pleasure.
We briefly wanted to mention a few possible underlying reasons that you or your partner might feel sexually frustrated.
As we mentioned earlier, sexual frustration can be caused by almost anything, and it’s not always caused by purely sexual reasons or incidents.
Every person is more than their kinks, and they may be feeling sexually frustrated due to emotional or psychological problems in their life.
It could be caused by worries about their finances. Maybe they’ve been having a bad time at their office job lately. Maybe they experienced a traumatic event recently and they haven’t fully processed their feelings.
The most important thing to remember here is that every partner you have, whether they’re an exclusive, monogamous long-term partner or a casual friend-with-benefits, deserves your respect and attention.
You should be able to talk to your partner about their sexual frustration, openly and without judgment.
If you find that your partner is having trouble talking about such an intimate subject, it may be a sign that there are larger problems within your relationship or it could mean that your partner would like to explore other options for processing these feelings.
They may even choose to speak to a therapist about these problems.
How to respond
How you respond to the sexual frustration of your partner should reflect how much you care about your partner, even if you’re not engaged in a romantic relationship.
Before responding based on gut reactions and emotions, put yourself in their shoes. How would you want your partner to respond if you were unhappy sexually?
You wouldn’t want them to judge you or get angry. You would want them to show concern and ask how they could help.
It really is that simple: if your partner is going through a rough patch, be as considerate as you can and ask how you can help while keeping in mind that you won’t always be able to solve the problem.
You can’t always fix things, and accepting that limitation is a very healthy step in any relationship.
That way, if you find yourself in a similar situation many years down the road, you’ll be that much more emotionally mature and you’ll be able to help your partner out as much as you can.
The reasons behind sexual frustration are almost infinite. It can be about a lot more than the sex itself, and it’s not always going to be your fault.
Signs that your partner is currently frustrated are almost as numerous, and you won’t always be able to tell without speaking directly with your partner.
If you do find that your partner is sexually frustrated, try to contain your emotions within reason and respond with consideration and care.
Even if there are bigger problems at work, treating your partner with respect and understanding will help everything go much more smoothly.
If your partner communicates a clear desire to try out some new things in the bedroom, stay open-minded but never engage in a certain activity you don’t enjoy solely because your partner does.
Keep lines of communication open and do what you can to resolve the situation without losing your temper or overreacting to what is, in essence, a very common problem.