Finding love is hard, even when you’re not looking for it. That said, there are some strategies that can help you rekindle the spark with your romantic partner or create new relationships.
Sexual attraction is an incredible thing. It’s why people fall in love and get married- things that seem like impossible feats at times.
For most people, sexual attraction begins to wane as partners grow apart physically and/or emotionally. This is normal; we lose interest as our needs go unmet.
But here’s the beautiful part: sexual attractions are built on similarities.
You feel attracted to someone because you perceive them to be more similar to you than different. You find their personality attractive, so you give yourself to them selflessly.
That person may make you laugh, but also touch you deeply. They may treat you well, but also push you away when needed.
These experiences shape how you relate to them and what you expect from life. And if you’re able to accept those differences while still giving your undivided attention, then you’ll find that you’re always drawn back into the relationship.
Look at your relationship
It’s easy to get distracted when you’re in love, but if you take time out of your day to really look at what you have then it can be inspiring.
If you spend your time focusing on the things that you don’t like about your significant other, or how their actions hurt you, you will find it hard to stay interested.
On the other hand, if you think about all the wonderful qualities you share together and why you fell in love with each other in the first place, you’ll probably feel more motivated to reconnect.
Don’t worry – we’re not saying to kiss every part of each other’s body! But thinking about the things you enjoy about each other and why you connected before is an excellent way to rekindle the passion.
Change your relationship
Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels
When you’re in a rut, things can get ugly very quickly.
If you are feeling discouraged or even desperate, it is important to be aware of that before trying to have sex with someone again. You don’t want to hurt them more than you already have!
Relationships take work, but they also need to stay there otherwise you will suffer the consequences.
Luckily, most people are not totally lost after having an affair so this is definitely something you are able to do once you have recovered.
But before you dive into relationships, make sure everything is healed from the breakup and yourself is ready for love.
You will still feel pain and disappointment, but at least you will know what to expect and be better prepared if someone else comes along.
Hopefully, you learned some valuable lessons about trust and commitment during your breakup, which will help you prevent the same thing from happening again.
Change your approach to sex
Photo by Thiago Schlemper on Pexels
When you are feeling discouraged about your love life, it can be easy to give up and believe that there is no hope for change. But this isn’t a good way to move forward!
Changing yourself for the better takes time, but don’t give up because you think you’re not changing fast enough.
By breaking down your limiting beliefs and habits, you will begin to see changes in your behavior. You may need to work at it longer, but once you do, it will stick.
Try different things
Photo by Kamaji Ogino on Pexels
One of the biggest reasons people lose their desire for sex is because they are bored with their own body type or sexually expressive style.
Becoming more conscious about your sexuality takes effort, but there are ways to bring some new energy into your relationship.
Try experimenting with positions, Kama Sutra moves, oral sex techniques, and lubes that feel good to use. The way you dress can be suggestive, like wearing a shirt with no bra or nude-colored clothing.
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels
When you are not feeling sexy, try to have as much fun as possible. Sex is an intimate experience that can be enjoyed with or without clothes. If you do not feel comfortable in your body, then do something else.
You will probably find more of what you want by looking into it. Try practicing some simple things like kissing, hand-holding, and other intimacy exercises to see if they make you feel better.
Having sex when you really wanted to may take longer than the week we suggest here, but it’ll definitely be worth it.
Learn to kiss
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels
Kicking off your sex life with something that feels awkward is totally normal! Kissing is one of the most fundamental things to do in the world, so learning how to do it well can feel very natural.
Many people are not good at kissing because they never really learned what the rules were. They may have been taught some tricks here or there, but nothing major. If you’re ever feeling uncomfortable or shy about kissing, try teaching yourself what makes sense by studying the basics.
You don’t need to be romanticized crushes for two people to kiss each other anymore. Many people now understand that even just a quick peck on the lips can be enough to start some kind of intimacy.
But before jumping into longer kisses, add a few more minutes to learn how to kiss properly. When you’ve mastered that, then move on to slightly deeper levels of kissing.
Making out isn’t necessarily the next step, but it’s definitely a great way to get closer to having intimate relations with someone.
Learn to do the sexual basics
It’s great to be passionate, but if you can’t perform your sexual basics (yet) then it will keep most of the passion in this area at bay. When someone is craving sex but you are struggling with something basic like kissing or oral, it can make them give up and look elsewhere for intimacy.
Don’t worry! This isn’t you yet! You’re totally fine and everything really does return eventually. There’s no need to feel bad about being shy when it comes to intimate acts. Most people aren’t even able to kiss until around their sixth date! Plus, there are many ways to learn how to do these things, from YouTube videos to reading good relationship books.
It may also help to understand why some people find certain kisses more romantic than others. By knowing the components of a meaningful kiss, as well as what types of tastes appeal to different people, you can use that information to inspire your own touches.
There’s nothing wrong with being less aggressive with your lovemaking skills, we just recommend working through the basics first so that you don’t hinder yourself later.
Ask for what you want
Photo by Анна Хазова on Pexels
It’s time to re-engage in the sexy game of love, so stop waiting for someone to make the first move and ask her (him) out!
It can be scary asking someone if they would like to have sex or not, but it needn’t be. By being more aware of your sexual needs and desires, you will know when it’s appropriate to initiate things.
Having sex is an intimate experience that requires intimacy between two people. If you don’t feel comfortable enough with someone to enjoy this, then don’t force yourself.
Don’t worry about whether she’ll say yes – she won’t unless you make sure of that. But do try saying something romantic and flirtatious, and see how she responds.
If she seems interested, great! But even if she doesn’t reply right away, give her some space and hope she’ll talk to you later. She might just need some more time to warm up.