Spicing things up a bit
Let’s get this out of the way right upfront. Every relationship has its own set of ups and downs. You’ve probably heard it a thousand times by now, but it’s 100% true.
If you find yourself in a long-term relationship or a lifelong marriage, there are going to be times when you and your husband just aren’t connecting the way you used to.
Of course, there can be many different reasons for decreased sexual activity in a relationship, not the least of which is the passage of time and the tendency for many couples to fall into a rigid routine.
The activities that excited you both five, ten, or twenty years ago might not excite you quite as much anymore.
Being less sexually active with your partner doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is declining. It could just mean that you both need to put in some extra effort to revive your sex life and maybe even explore some new kinks and ways to connect on a physical and emotional level.
Every relationship is different, so while we can’t speak to the specifics of your relationship, we’d like to offer a few key pieces of advice that will answer the central question of “how to become more sexually active with my husband.”
No matter the issue, couples are very often told that communication is key to resolving those issues, and it’s absolutely true. Talking about the nature of your sex life with your husband can help fast-track solutions.
It can be difficult to have these kinds of conversations that are so emotionally charged, but talking about the problem really will help you both understand what your next move should be.
These conversations also don’t need to be super-serious. If you’re both able to open up and talk about what you want, then these conversations can quickly become exciting, maybe even arousing.
Try to be as clear and as honest as possible. If there’s something you want to try in bed, talk about it.
If there’s something you’re already doing in bed with your husband that doesn’t feel like it’s working, talk about it.
We tell ourselves these kinds of things all the time, but unless we tell our partner, we shouldn’t expect them to make changes based on pure intuition.
Find a time when you can both sit down and talk, preferably when you’re not experiencing a lot of stress from work and other external sources.
Don’t underestimate the value of foreplay
Moving on to some active changes you can make in your sex life, never underestimate the value of foreplay.
It’s a tried and true saying that the most important sex organ is the brain. Foreplay isn’t just a physical act, it’s also very much about psychology.
Have you ever wondered why many people invest so much time and energy into roleplay? It doesn’t inherently change the physical aspect of sex, but it absolutely changes the excitement level of the couple.
We all have our kinks, even if we haven’t explored them fully. Many of them are seeded during our early teens, when we’re active imprinted upon by different aspects of our lives.
If you and your husband haven’t previously explored elements of foreplay and anticipation that would greatly enhance your sexual experience, this is the perfect opportunity to do just that.
If you have even an inkling that there’s something you’d like to try, you may as well give it a shot. If you don’t end up enjoying it, that’s fine, too. But it’s much better to try something than wonder what it would be like for the rest of your life.
When you and your partner are getting ready to have sex, take your time. Rather than getting undressed right away, talk about how much you want each other. Tell him what you want. Slowly caress each other. Makeout like teenagers.
You might be surprised just how much all that anticipation and closeness can make sex more passionate and exciting.
Foreplay is also very much about listening, and not just in the literal sense. Paying careful attention to how your partner responds to the smallest movements can give you some really useful insights not only into their tastes but also to how they’re feeling that day.
We all experience mood shifts, and noticing those shifts, no matter how subtle, is a great practice that can quickly become a routine.
When two people are completely in tune with each other, then it’s much easier to move past small inconveniences and correct course when the night is going exactly how you both wanted it to.
There may even be times when you notice, even in the foreplay stage, that he’s not in the mood. Sure, the ultimate goal is to become more sexually active, but once it becomes a chore, then all your efforts will be counterproductive.
If we’re talking about trying new kinks, then it’s always important to get consent before launching into it. We’re going to be talking a lot about how to surprise your husband in this section, but we wanted to make it clear right away that this doesn’t mean you should try something new and disruptive without talking to your partner first.
With that in mind, you should never discount just how powerful surprise can be. If you know for a fact that your husband has been wanting to try something and you tell him you’re ready to give it a shot, then get ready to see his face light up.
So what are some simple ways to surprise your husband with a fun new bedroom dynamic? Keep reading to find out. Outfits
What you wear before and during sex can have a huge impact on the sex itself, which is why it’s such an important part of roleplay for many slightly more kinky couples.
But while roleplay typically needs to be planned out with your partner to some extent, you can very easily surprise your husband by buying some new lingerie or even just a new outfit to wear around the house that will bring attention to your best physical assets.
Considering his tastes is a great consideration, and it’s very thoughtful, but you know your body best. Wear something that’s going to make you feel confident. He’ll be able to sense that energy right away.
Another “outfit” that’s sure to pique his interest is a good old-fashioned birthday suit. If you get home from work before he does, go ahead and take everything off. When he arrives, act like nothing is out of the ordinary.
No matter what you’re wearing, or not wearing, it’s you that he wants. Remember that. But an exciting new presentation of your beautiful body can add some extra seasoning to the equation.
Sex toys can be a great surprise for any relationship. Again, we don’t mean you should whip one out in bed and raise your eyebrows. It can be much more subtle than that.
Maybe you want to order some sex toys for yourself and keep them around. Make it clear to your partner that it would be fun if they used these toys on you in bed.
But of course, there are also lots of sex toys specifically designed to be used by couples.
For example, vibrating cock rings are designed to make regular intercourse more exciting by providing pleasing vibration for both partners, imitating the feeling created by dedicated vibrators.
If you’re looking for something more intense, strap-ons and harnesses can offer a whole new way for you and your significant other to get busy.
Don’t forget about bondage and fetish gear, much of which is relatively inexpensive while also being incredibly versatile. Let your partner’s imagination run wild when you leave these toys sitting around the bedroom.
Giving your relationship a jumpstart
As we discussed at the beginning, it’s natural for excitement to fade a bit as a romantic relationship matures.
But reminding yourself and your partner how exciting everything was when you first got together can be an excellent way to reignite your shared passion.
All of the techniques and suggestions we listed above are great places to start, but we also wanted to mention larger gestures.
You’ve probably heard of couples holding a second marriage ceremony, a second honeymoon, or both.
These don’t have to be formal events. If you and your partner want to recommit to each other, all you really need to do is plan a short trip or just some time away from work and your other normal responsibilities.
Give yourselves a break from all the sources of stress in your lives. When it’s just you and your husband spending some quality time alone, you’ll very quickly be reminded of how well you connect on a personal, emotional, and even a physical level.
Give your relationship room to breathe. That way, it will be so much easier to reconnect with your spouse and begin a whole new journey of sexual discovery and intimacy.