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How to Be the Best in Bed for Her: Tips and Ideas to Try

how to be the best in bed for her

How to Be the Best in Bed for Her: Tips and Ideas to Try

Upping your game 

For anyone who enjoys sex, there’s always an underlying desire to be as good as you can possibly be. 

Sometimes, this has a lot to do with ego and self-confidence, but very often this desire is more about wanting to please your partner as much as possible. 

Especially in long-term, stable relationships, problems in the bedroom can easily contribute to other problems and misunderstandings. 

Even if you and your partner are already having great sex, there’s always room for improvement and there are always new kinks to be explored. 

If you’ve been wondering how to be the best in bed for her, read on to learn how you can be more considerate, more creative, and ultimately more giving during sexual experiences.  


Think outside of yourself 

Getting better at sex isn’t just about learning new moves or buying new sex toys to use with your partner; it’s also about putting yourself into a considerate and unselfish headspace. 

When having sex with your partner, what do you usually focus on? Are you focused on taking care of yourself or are you thinking about what might make your partner happy?

This may seem like a no-brainer to many, but it’s very easy to fall into selfish habits, especially within a long-term relationship or during a one night stand. 

Pay attention to body language and non-verbal cues

The next time you and your partner play, you’ll have the chance to do some field research. You don’t need to do anything drastic, just pay careful attention to your partner. 

Are they sending signals that they’d like you to do something like choking, spanking, hand-holding, etc.? 

Later on, you’ll have a more direct conversation with your partner about their kinks and preferences, but for now, try to think about yourself as little as possible and just take note of what your partner seems to enjoy the most. 

how to be the best in bed for her

We all use body language and non-verbal cues as a means of communicating without words, even if only on a subconscious level. Our posture and mannerisms can say a lot about how we’re feeling and what we think of a specific situation. 

You know your partner well already. Do they seem uncomfortable, uninterested, or tired? 

Getting in the habit of paying more attention to your partner is a big step in the right direction, though it does take practice. 

Communicate with your partner

The simplest and most direct way to find out how you can better please your partner in bed is just to talk to them, one-on-one. 

Obviously, approaching this kind of subject matter requires a great deal of trust and openness. If you and your partner have had trouble communicating in the past, then you might also have difficulty talking together about your sexual preferences. 

There are many individuals who are sexually open but prefer not to talk about sex so directly. 

Before launching into a conversation with your partner, ask whether they would be comfortable talking about what makes sex great for them.   

Your partner will most likely appreciate the effort to better understand their preferences and be more than willing to help out. 

Set aside a time to talk 

Once you know that your partner would be comfortable talking about sexual preferences and the changes that both of you could make, then you should try to set aside some time to have this conversation. 

If you’re both more comfortable talking about it over the phone or over text, that’s fine too. 

how to be the best in bed for her

Don’t feel the need to set up an overly formal conversation. In fact, it would be best if the conversation felt open and casual, with plenty of time for each of you to talk about these intimate details. 

Don’t forget that the conversation can be playful, too. Sex should be fun, and after this talk, you’ll both enjoy it even more. 

Talk during the act 

Again, depending on the comfort level of you and your partner, you can also try to communicate during sex. 

Rather than dirty talk, ask your partner to give instructions while you’re playing. A few minor changes or adjustments to your usual techniques could help her enjoy herself a lot more. 

If you don’t understand something, ask a question. 

Best of all, this probably won’t become a staple of your routine, but rather serve as a way for you to educate each other on your own particular tastes. 

Who knows? You may even come to enjoy it over time and let it morph into dirty talk. 

More than just sex 

Foreplay is a huge part of arousal for all genders, and it’s not always a physical act. 

You’ve probably heard the saying that your biggest sex organ is actually your brain. Stimulating the mind before, during, and after sex, instead of only stimulating the body, can help to unlock a whole new level of intimacy and sexual excitement. 

After speaking with your partner about some of their biggest turn-ons, you can make an effort to create a fun experience long before you move to the bed. 

No, you don’t need to open a box of chocolates, dim the lights, and throw on some light jazz, but curating the environment to make your partner feel more comfortable can go a long way. 

If you’re running short on ideas, just ask your partner directly what they would like to play around with. Maybe they’d like to introduce some power play into the experience. Or maybe they’d like for you to send sexy text messages throughout the day, while you’re both doing other things. 

Seeing sex as more than just the act itself will you and your partner explore more openly and it might even inspire you both to think of new ideas to try. 

Stay open-minded

If you follow all of the steps listed above, you might find yourself in a situation where your partner would like to try something (a toy, a kink, or an activity) that you aren’t completely comfortable with. 

This is the time to ask your partner how excited they are about this idea. Would it be a dealbreaker if you weren’t willing to participate? 

how to be the best in bed for her

You’ll also need to make your feelings clear, both to your partner and to yourself. You should never feel pressured into trying something that you’re definitely not comfortable with, even within a long-term relationship where you love your partner deeply. 

At the same time, exploring your sexuality with your partner and staying open-minded can resolve a lot of problems and open the door to some very exciting sexual experiences. 

For example, your partner may mention during a conversation that they’d be very interested in trying out group sex. 

Once you understand what they want, you’ll have to ask yourself how you feel about it. Does it make you feel insecure? Does it worry you about your relationship as a whole? 

Bring these concerns to your partner. Chances are they’ll relieve your worries. Then you’ll feel much more comfortable with the idea, whatever it happens to be. 

From there, you can talk about how to approach the activity safely and in a way that doesn’t make either partner feel isolated or uneasy. 

This careful approach is especially important when dealing with power dynamics and other BDSM-related activities. Having conversations outside of the bedroom, outside of roleplay and power play, gives both of you an opportunity to make your true feelings known. 

Explore together 

If your relationship is solid and you’re not dealing with other major issues, then exploring sexuality together, with your partner, can be a wonderful experience that can last for years. 

When both partners communicate openly and sort out disagreements long before they come to a head, there’s no limit to the pleasure you can find. 

If you’re both especially sexually open-minded you might even create a list of toys and kinks you’d like to try at some point in the future. 

Then, if you’re ever in the need of some extra spice, you can move on to the next item on the list. 

Approaches to avoid 

As you’ve probably noticed, most of our tips for improving your performance in bed involve direct communication and collaboration with your partner. 

This is because we believe working on your techniques in isolation, by yourself, tends not to be a successful approach. 

There’s a temptation to search men’s health forums for sex tips from other men or to watch porn videos to try and learn some new tricks, but this may lead to awkward moments with your partner when you start doing something new and foreign without consulting them first. 

Every single relationship, every single sexual pairing, is unique, and you can’t always transfer tips and techniques from someone else into your own relationship. 

Stamina training and sexual supplements can certainly be helpful for those in need of an extra boost, but these are definitely not catch-all solutions. 

Talking to your partner will set you on the right path more quickly, and it will also make improvement a team effort, rather than something you need to work on by yourself. 

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