A whole new start
It’s been well-cataloged at this point that divorce can be one of the most stressful experiences of a person’s life.
Regardless of how you and your former spouse are managing the process, divorce brings up some incredibly unpleasant memories while adding new ones to the pile.
However, divorce does not mean that you are unwanted and it does not mean that your romantic life is over. On the contrary, your life following a divorce can be an extremely exciting time, and best of all, it’s a great opportunity to spend some time on yourself and look to your future with hope and enthusiasm.
We’re here to provide you with some valuable tips for finding love after divorce at 35, but don’t worry, these tips work just as well for someone who’s 36, 42, or 50.
Of course, one of the biggest advantages of adding a new spark to your romantic life in your 30s is that lots of other people will be doing exactly the same thing, which just means that things might happen a bit faster if you want them to.
No matter your age, though, it’s always worth taking the time to better understand your situation and determine exactly what you want to do next.
In fact, that’s our first big tip: take your time when planning out your next move and deciding on your goals.
Taking your time
If you’ve been having an especially difficult time coping with your divorce, whether it was recent or years in the past, it’s ok to take your time when trying to heal.
Rather than trying to distract yourself from the pain and inconvenience of the divorce process and its aftermath, we recommend that you take a moment once a day to acknowledge that difficulty.
Rather than giving yourself pity for what’s been happening, empathize with yourself. Take stock of your situation and admit that it’s been difficult for you.
Instead of wallowing in grief, this can be a great way to start moving forward. Moving on before you’re ready can end up causing more problems, so taking stock of how you’re feeling each day can be a great solution.
Let’s look at some different ways you can do this.
Keep a journal
There’s nothing childish about keeping a journal, and in fact, it’s a really good way to externalize many of the things that you happen to be feeling at the time.
Try your best to write something down every day. As for subject matter, focus on how you’re feeling in that particular moment and what you’re currently thinking about.
This way, when you look back at journal entries you’ve made over a period of weeks, months, or even years, you’ll be able to see more clearly how your emotional and mental state has changed.
The ultimate goal, of course, is to support an upward trajectory where you’re healing a little bit at a time.
Use your support system
A support system is important for mental health at any time, but especially important in times of grief and difficulty.
If you have friends and family members who are willing to have a chat with you on a regular basis, take them up on the offer.
This is another great way to help yourself realize things about your own emotional state by saying them out loud.
Making new friends and having new experiences
When you’re ready to move on, it’s a great idea to try to make new friends and have new experiences that are all your own.
The specifics of this tip are completely up to you. Sit down and ask yourself what you’d like to try.
Have you always wanted to travel to Nepal? Would you like to try whitewater rafting for the first time? Do you want to get better at cooking so you can enjoy elaborate meals at home?
It’s all up to you, and the focus here is just having fun and expanding your social circle.
Take a class
From night classes to weekend classes at your local community college, there are lots of different ways to learn something new.
You might even be able to find classes that you can take completely free of charge.
Classes are also just another great way to meet new people, since you’ll be seeing many of them week after week.
Join a meetup group
Meetup groups are kind of like informal friend groups all based around a common interest.
The internet has been a fantastic place for meetup groups to form. You may even be familiar with different smartphone apps that aim to create all kinds of new meetup groups in your area.
You can search through these groups based on different types of hobbies and your personal schedule. Some might hold in-person meetups every few weeks and others might limit meetups to video calls.
Either way, gathering around a common interest is a time-honored way to make new friends.
Open yourself to new sexual possibilities
Here’s some more great news for anyone who’s been through a divorce: now is your chance to explore your own sexuality to the fullest.
We’re certainly not saying that a long-term relationship inherently limits your sexuality in any way, but for many people, it’s difficult to feel completely free to explore when they also have a partner they need to please.
This is the time when you can try new things and open yourself to brand new sexual possibilities, as long you’re comfortable with each idea you’d like to try.
If you’ve never been that interested in sex toys before, this could be a great time to at least sample some different varieties that seem appealing.
Of course, this isn’t limited to toys and solo experiences, either. If you’d like to spend some time with different partners, more power to you! You’re in charge here.
Looking for love
Finally, we’d like to talk about the process of looking for love and romance after a divorce. Again, this isn’t something you need to pursue at all until you’re comfortable with the possibility.
Even when you are ready to get back out there, you should try to be very patient. As we all know from past dating experiences, it can take a long time to find just the right person, with whom you feel entirely comfortable.
When you do find someone who you’d like to spend more time with, you’ll need to be ready to open up to them, emotionally.
This is just another reason why you shouldn’t try before you’re ready. But if you feel that it’s time to make a move, we’re here to help.
Manage expectations but keep hopes high
This is an expansion of what we were just talking about. When you start dating again, it’s important to have a balanced mindset.
In other words, you shouldn’t try to be 100% optimistic or pessimistic. Look at each situation with a level head and decide what would be best for you.
If you go into every single new date expecting to find your One and Only, it’s more likely that you’ll be let down. It’s not fair to ask every person you go on a date with to live up to those lofty expectations.
Still, you shouldn’t go into every date expecting the worst, either. Give the other person a chance to show who they really are. That way, you’ll be able to make an informed decision about whether you want to see them again.
Try new avenues
This tip is especially important for readers who might be 35 or above: you should try to stay open to different channels for finding people to date.
The social activities we mentioned earlier are definitely good options, but don’t count out more contemporary methods like online dating services and dating apps.
This time is all about opening yourself up to new possibilities and finding out new things about yourself.
A dating app can actually be a great way to do that. Just read through reviews of each one before signing up and spending some serious time on it.
There are so many different dating apps nowadays, and many of them are catered toward specific age groups and romantic interests.
Many of them also offer free user tiers, meaning you can try out several services for weeks at a time without paying a thing.
We’d like to end with some words of encouragement. As we’ve already talked about, the time after a divorce is always going to be tough.
But taking your time and keeping track of your own feelings will immediately give you a better sense of when you’re ready to rejoin the dating scene and look for something substantial.
You’re more than capable of starting a new romance that fulfills your needs on all different levels, but it still takes a certain amount of courage to restart your romantic life.
When you’re ready, there will be plenty of people out there who can’t wait to meet you. It just comes down to getting out there where they can find you. Bets of luck and live your bliss!